Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

392

Why do some plants grow where they do? How can geology cause new plant species to evolve? Why are some plants pollinated by flies, some by bats, some by birds, and others by bees? How does a plant evolve to look like a rock? How can destroying lawns soothe the soul? This is a show about plants and plant habitat through the lens of natural selection and ecology, with a side of neurotic ranting, light humor, occasional profanity, & the perpetual search for the filthiest taqueria bathroom. 


Recent Episodes
Episodes loading...
Recent Reviews
  • MKULTRA83
    Great
    Great host, guests, topics, keep it up.
  • spencerlennard
    Boswell
    This is among the most brilliant, funny and inspirational podcasts out there. Joey is clearly genius
  • the redtail-hawk
    Absurd ads and placement
    Crass dissonant ads coming out of nowhere for auto parts. The contrast between the subject matter and sponsorship is uncaring and startling.
  • AutyAlmond
    Joey Santore, my man
    This podcast is a treat and empowers me to be a better steward of the land. I love the range of topics and the meandering trains of thought.
  • cestmoichien
    Please improve interviewing
    Please stop interrupting the guest. Let them finish their thought without trying to explain for them. If something is left unexplained, ask a follow up question later. Start the interview general and move towards more specifics so we can learn more about who the guest is and get an overview of the topic. As someone who conducts interviews professionally, I can’t listen to this even though the content seems interesting.
  • MarFx4
    Awesome!!!
    Can you please have on Dan Hosage way more often! As a Texan I can hear him talk for hours, and he’s right up your alley in the dark humor 😂
  • Macropneustes
    Tremendous
    I’ve been addicted to the you tube channel and just now found the pod cast! Yay!!! Now I look forward to the drive to work!
  • Megology
    Gets me through the day
    The intellectual content I didn’t know I had been missing. Joey has rekindled my passion for learning. I’ve got stacks of textbooks, field guides, so many downloaded pdf’s, and albums full or plant/environment pictures. Thank you for inspiring me to enjoy something meaningful again!
  • Sean Rulz
    Amazingly Informative
    I found this podcast through the YouTube channel. I have rekindled my passion for botany and other science as well.
  • Jacobele
    SO informative
    I love this podcast, from plants to lichens… it covers a lot of different botanical topics. Always informative, interesting, usually hilarious. The only thing I recommend to change is running ads that are increments of 15 & 30 sec so they are easier to skip thru w the skip button.
  • debs.stems
    Pretty pretty good
    What are you waiting for, it’s about PLANTS. Nice. 🤌🏼
  • eieieeeeeeeieeee
    It’s nice
    It’s a pretty good podcast about plants nice
  • GWickPress
    Pretty sure this podcast was made just for me
    If anyone ever remakes David The Gnome, they should ask Tony to be in it. It is so soothing to hear someone who knows so much about ecology put into words how how obnoxious urban horticultural decisions tend to be. A soothing balm for these trying environmental times. This podcast is perfect for when I’m out walking and trying not to get too distracted by all the invasive plants people just let proliferate (or oftentimes, plant on purpose.) I always struggled trying to learn botany & mycology, because the books I tried would have definitions full of massive words that I needed to learn 5+ other big words to understand. This podcast & the accompanying youtube channel make it all way more approachable, and I learn a ton without even trying.
  • Jeepinguy
    Great podcast
    I really love soup!
  • JFeeney42
    Love the show BUT
    Love the show but so many ads in the newest episode (week of June 13th 2023) it is unlistenable. Literally getting ads every 60 seconds or so. Hopefully it’s just a glitch in this episode.
  • rskillion
    Easily the worst “science” podcast I’ve run across.
    I wanted to find a podcast episode about legumes, and I found this pod in a search. I pressed play and after the commercials was immediately bombarded with a nonstop stream of F bombs and assorted rantings and ravings about “woke lords.” I gave up after 10 minutes before the advertised guest even started talking. I just wanted to learn about beans and it felt like I was mugged instead. JFC.
  • yoshi El Patron
    100 stars
    I have a man crush on Joey, he says and thinks the same things I’ve been thinking for years! I’m obsessed with plants to the point of wondering if I’m autistic, I also have ADHD and love how he just rambles off topic. I share his love of watching bank buildings on fire, comedy, leaving punk rock behind for something with more substance, and a hatred of developers ruining ecosystems with Starbucks and strip malls
  • Hrutger
    Cool plants, chill conversation
    Passionate conversations by people who love plants, with a focus on scientific concepts and enough cursing and mischievous humor to help you feel right at home.
  • 477534
    Commercials are too loud
    I want to listen to this podcast more but the volume difference on the commercials is so jarring it’s discouraging.
  • Kyles ipad12345678901
    Ok
    Ok.
  • habeykeme
    Changed my life
    I was a plebeian and a pissant when I ignored the cancellations and started following crime pays. Now I’m a psychedelic citizen scientist who can’t get enough of the field. Thank you crime pays.
  • Undertaker But Part Lizard
    Good, but...
    If I hear something about Chumba casino one more time.... ONE MORE TIME...
  • Turn it into a parking lot
    Life as a transaction
    I really enjoy your take on things. I recently listened to the podcast with Alan Rockefeller, very interesting. Somewhat helpful/not as alienating, to know other people feel the same way about the direction of society. Thanks for some laughs, knowledge and perspective. I’m looking forward to the poem “Life as a transaction”
  • whysocereus
    Everything I want from a podcast
    Tony makes you want to learn about botany. His authenticity & humor make even the terms & concepts I don’t understand (yet) entertaining. He sprinkles in these little nuggets of wisdom about how we should be treating our planet & inspiring future generations that makes it undeniable he does not do this for money or notoriety. He is exactly the type of person I want to learn from.
  • vatsofurine
    Best podcast on duh webs.
    GFY, bye!
  • bethlnmb
    Best interview I’ve ever heard on plants.
    He is fantastic. Finally a really fun botany discussion. Great knowledge.
  • warbler87
    Best antidote to modern life
    Always entertaining — has greatly increased my appreciation of botany, geology and much more. Spicy language adds to the fun.
  • vroom nyoom
    It’s nice
    I wish i could buy his book but I’m not in that place rn so this podcast will do nicely
  • Dndndbsgmm
    so good
    yea
  • Fw wolff
    Sixteen stars
    That's what I give it
  • Soboyon
    So good
    Thank you for this
  • Knitter Please
    Very interesting
    Lots of great information, even the opening rant. Thank you for this.
  • oart_la
    this podcast is a gift
    i love hearing his mind and his heart - i can get with this realness-
  • Caity the cat lady
    botany with swears. awesome.
    this is how you make learning about the world interesting
  • seshiro
    Solid listen!
    I never thought I’d listen to a botany podcast, but here we are.
  • bababooey420
    Great work
    This podcast and YouTube channel of same name are absolute treasures. Facking brilliant.
  • ebbbbbbbbbbt
    Favorite Podcast
    Joey's pure awestruck, educational, and highly humorous investigations on plants always has me enticed. You can tell his life is a life dedicated to learning and always growing. I appreciate every story he shares too. Personal, intimate, and brutally honest, he isn't afraid to offend or worried about what people think of him. Trying to wake us up to nature one human at a time. Buy his clothes and stickers to support his work. Thank you Joey
  • Yuccabrevifolia
    Botanical Rudeness
    This member of the species Homo sapiens is a degenerate. I was warned about him by other xeric plant species I share habitat with. I was warned about him by some Yucca treculeana and Yucca schidigera. Whatever any of you plants do, don't let him handle your bracts and inflorescences. He'll tear apart your sepals and ovaries and yank out your seeds. No tact at all. Heard it was a painful experience.An Echinocactus grusonii told me he urinated at its base and caused root rot. He is a plant molestor.
  • whatswithneedingafuknnickname
    Best show ever
    I love this show. I love the unabashed passion and expressiveness. I resonate with everything you say, including the parts about plants. You’re perfect exactly the way you are. Keep on keeping on. I await every new episode and am thrilled that I still have all the past shows to get through. Thank you for giving voice to all of it.
  • KristyCPhT
    Educational Entertainment
    So glad I found this; I recently stumbled across your YouTube channel while looking for a natural history documentary to watch while I worked on my botanical and natural history illustrations. You shouldn’t let the ignorance, selfishness and stupidity of others get to you; just know that you are doing your part to make a difference buy trying to educate. There is only so much you can do and it’s not worth stroking out because it. Oh, and as a lifelong Oregonian, we only claim the western 1/3 of the state. You should explore my area, I-5 goes through my town and I like to think I live in the sweet spot. 1.5 hr to the coast, 1.5 to Portland, 1.5 to the mountains
  • Jonny Gizmo
    Great show!
    Hey, I love the show and your YouTube videos, too. But there's something that's been bugging me that I just can't get over, and perhaps someone already mentioned this, but you were talking at some point about coronavirus and n-95 masks. You said they only protect the wearer from 3 microns or greater. Actually, they are protective against .3 micron particles or greater. Also, you mentioned the size of the virus vs the particle size these masks are rated to protect the wearer from. The virus would be spread through droplets which would be bound up on the n-95. I wear a p-100 and won't waste time wearing a rag because the rag-over-the-face method is only effective off everyone's doing their part. They aren't. So I'm taking the approach I am. Thanks for three show!
  • Lilslian
    Thanks dude
    Good listening.
  • domin_eek
    mans talks
    this podcast feels like listening into to this guys’ conversations, like its not for me the listener. i dont mind this and i dont mind the crassness (telling us hes got to pee, swearing), but since the show is actually being published and its not just us eavesdropping into your conversation, the show could use a bit more focus. i always learn something from CPBD and i’d learn even more if there was a smiggin more intent. can you include photos? i want to see these plants you mention!
  • Tallula Bigcups
    Enlightening
    This is one of the most brutally honest podcasts out there. He isn't afraid to offend you and if you are willing to pull the stick out of your butt you will learn a lot. I appreciate his humor, attitude and language. It's so much nicer than all of the advertised ladden garbage podcasts out there that disguise themselves as trying to teach science but only peddle meaningless products of garbage. Keep up the good work and all you haters can GFY.
  • TrevsSchoo
    Great podcast
    I like this podcast more than the youtube videos made by the same host. I can relate with the him on a variety of subjects and find his crass humor and overall lack of filter to my liking. I also like people whose waters run deep and aren’t immediately obvious. I get the feeling most folks who meet this guy would never imagine how he spends most of his time.
  • jjlavaque
    This guy is amazing.
    I didn't really care that much about plants until listening to this guy's podcast - he is crass but smart; he's also hilarious. And, he knows his stuff. I look forward to every single new podcast and video he posts. Now I'm learning more about the plants in my area and trying to classify them. Holy crap, you gotta get to know this guy.
  • Bert Shurch
    Plants not for humans
    Love hearing about plants and not why they’re cool to sick up your butt. Ask not what plants can do for you but what you can do for plants
  • Arcane John Wayne
    Botany’s Bourdain
    This guy is the future for talking plants. A kick in the teeth to the eco-hippy sentimentalists. Profane, informative, funny, sometimes depressing, this guy makes a clear-eyed case that if we all paid a little more attention to our plants maybe our environment would be a slightly less f’ed. Now go kill your lawn...
  • Gratings violinist
    Yes! Dirty ears and fingernails...
    After discovering the YouTube channel and becoming addicted... I found myself thinking... “man, this would be great as a podcast so I could listen while I’m out in my own little ecosystem” and just like magic... BOOM! There it is. Happily subscribed to everything you do. Now drop some Latin knowledge in my ears!
  • katielady124
    best thing in a while
    While I work my boring job and dream of botany, I listen to books and podcast. This guy, who works in a train yard, also loves botany. His refreshing, profanity-laced, irreverant take on society, life, and awesome enthusiasm for phlogeny--of all things renews my faith in my ability to be a scientist, even though I'm not one right now. Besides, he's pretty frickin' brillant, so it's both fun and informative. None of this dry, stoggy BS, and definitely more botany than horticulture.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork on this page are property of the podcast owner, and not endorsed by UP.audio.